I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
