my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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