Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
