Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
