Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
