Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just gift wrapped bread.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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