Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize