after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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