The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
