And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
