on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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