it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
