There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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