im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
