woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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