he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
