allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
A+ Viking dick
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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