Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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