nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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