gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
