The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
