I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
