Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
