i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
