she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
