Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
