My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
