Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
