Someone shit on the floor
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i came on her dog
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
