he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
