I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize