I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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