By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
