I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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