Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
