she looked like the before picture.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
