I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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