Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.