True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
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he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.