im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.