This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.