Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...

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  (832): Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it... http://tfl.nu/2lrl
  Replies (9) Good night (715) Bad night (3807)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.

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  (513): you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression. http://tfl.nu/ehn5
  Replies (6) Good night (1108) Bad night (2970)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?

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  (814): Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low? http://tfl.nu/5hhv
  Replies (29) Good night (996) Bad night (4083)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

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  (269): its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot" http://tfl.nu/fb26
  Replies (11) Good night (5257) Bad night (1032)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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  (410): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me. http://tfl.nu/lzgg
  Replies (4) Good night (2118) Bad night (936)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.

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  (512): I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun. http://tfl.nu/d4m3
  Replies (21) Good night (2889) Bad night (1088)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.

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  (330): Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything. (330): She kept telling me it was a squirtgun. http://tfl.nu/3tf4
  Replies (3) Good night (566) Bad night (1221)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.

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  (905): Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk. http://tfl.nu/f6av
  Replies (3) Good night (825) Bad night (451)
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  (315): View more from New York

  My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.

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  (315): My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair. http://tfl.nu/70uu
  Replies (6) Good night (864) Bad night (494)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.

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  (+44): He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever. http://tfl.nu/51gj
  Replies (4) Good night (413) Bad night (743)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??

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  (814): What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares?? http://tfl.nu/za5w
  Replies (8) Good night (403) Bad night (1040)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.

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  (+44): I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid. http://tfl.nu/dvml
  Replies (2) Good night (905) Bad night (249)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday

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  (612): Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday http://tfl.nu/t6h3
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (324)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.

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  (423): He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed. http://tfl.nu/exh7
  Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (231)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.

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  (817): Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies. http://tfl.nu/m7wt
  Replies (1) Good night (189) Bad night (377)

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