I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
not ubering you a puppy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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