i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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