Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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