Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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