So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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