Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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