If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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