do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
