Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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