The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
