I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
