Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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