I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
