So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
