i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
