You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
