I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
