So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
