So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
