I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
