Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
