it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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