he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
