Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
