Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
