Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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